Habeas Corpus
by disc-on-tent
Summary: After crash landing on an alien planet, Sheppard’s team fall into the hands of a Wraith. Not a deathfic.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Habeas Corpus

Spoilers: SG1 – season 1 episode 7

Setting: Early second season

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: All characters etc are owned by someone else. No copyright infringements intended.

A/N I posted this first chapter many months ago and I've finally got around to finding out what happened next.

For this one more than any other, I want to thank Kiky. Great beta, great suggestions, great encouragement.

Habeas Corpus

Chapter 1

"Three more Wraith darts have appeared behind us, Colonel."

"I see them, Teyla." Sheppard cursed vehemently under his breath. Where the hell had they come from? He jinked the Puddlejumper to the left, adrenaline flooding his veins but his hands steady on the controls. A dart knifed towards them, firing a volley of missiles before arcing away, and Sheppard concentrated on an evasive manoeuvre that caused the overtaxed engines to whine in protest.

"Rodney!" The Colonel spared a second to glance over at McKay. "I need those weapons now!"

"Just one more minute, Colonel."

"We don't have a minute, Rodney!" Sheppard feinted right, flicking the Jumper into a spin to avoid the latest attack.

"Sheppard, the Gate is close enough." Ronon's bass rumble sounded emotionless in the frenzied cockpit.

"Then get us the hell out of here!" Sheppard dragged the Jumper round and lined up on the Gate, calculating his approach to offer the smallest target to the attacking darts.

"Where?"

"Anywhere but Atlantis." The timing would be tight and the Colonel didn't want six Wraith darts following him through to the Gateroom.

Ronon dialled quickly, but the Wraith missile caught them as they plunged through the Gate.

oOo

"Sheppard. We have to go." John woke abruptly at Ronon's rough shake. He could only have been unconscious for a few seconds; he still felt the Puddlejumper settling after the crash landing. Groaning slightly, he turned his head to check on the rest of his team. Rodney was kneeling on the floor, frantically heaving at a thick metal strut, trying to free something lying just out of Sheppard's sight. He looked down at a dark stain seeping from beneath the heavy bar.

"Teyla!" Sheppard leapt to McKay's side, adding his strength to the task of hauling on the twisted metal. His chest tightened with more than exertion as he leaned back and pulled. "Ronon! A little help here!"

"She's dead." Ronon's voice was impassive; not uncaring, just stating a fact.

"Don't say that, she's not dead." McKay snarled through gritted teeth, his jaw clenched in his effort to help his team-mate.

Reaching around McKay's straining arm, John laid his hand on Teyla's throat. There was no pulse. He ran his fingers over her head until he felt the jagged shard of metal that had punctured her neck. He pulled his hand away, his fingers sticky and slick and his mind numb.

"Sheppard. The Wraith will be close." Sheppard knew that Ronon was right, the six darts had been just behind them and it wouldn't be long before the Wraith arrived.

"Rodney, can you get the cloak back online?" He glanced over at McKay who was watching him in rapt fascination as he carefully wiped his crimson fingers clean. "McKay?"

Rodney shook his head as if in a daze. "No, Colonel. It was damaged in the first attack; it'll take me at least half an hour to..."

"That's too long." Sheppard grabbed the first aid kit from behind the pilot's chair and leaned over to take a life-signs detector from its mount.

"Colonel, we can't just leave her here." McKay's obvious distress was tinged with disbelief.

"We'll lead the Wraith away, lose them, then circle back." Sheppard looked down at McKay, still kneeling at Teyla's side. "McKay," he waited until Rodney turned his head to face him. "We don't leave our people behind."

Rodney nodded once and scrambled to his feet, falling into line behind Sheppard as he led his team away from the Jumper and into the dense forest.

A sound behind him made Sheppard turn. The jagged stumps of broken trees showed where the Jumper had smashed through and into the ground, but the Jumper itself had disappeared. "McKay, I thought you said that the cloak was damaged."

Rodney and Ronon turned back to look at the empty patch of forest where the Puddlejumper should have been. They were still looking the wrong way when the Wraith attacked.

oOo

The Wraith looked up into the eyes of the big warrior. It could smell the human's defiance and bared its teeth, slowly running its tongue over dry lips in anticipation. To feed on one so young and strong would be a rare indulgence. The human did not flinch as the guards that held it tore away its shirt to expose the chest. Impatient now, the Wraith slapped its hand flat against the bare skin, expecting the heady rush of power.

Its eyes widened in disbelief as the life failed to surge from the human.

Furious at being denied, the Wraith screamed and reached forward taking the large human's head in its hands. With a vicious jerk, it snapped the creature's neck and let the body crumple to the ground.

The Wraith turned in anger to the second captive. This one was smaller and older, but the Wraith's hunger was now intense and it drove its palm hard against the exposed skin.

There, at the surface, the familiar taste of fear; sweet and slightly cloying. It thrust deeper, its hunger gnawing and demanding to be met. There was something else; something unexpected. This human possessed an inner strength that ran through to its core. It was intoxicating.

The energy began to flow more freely and the human writhed in agony, struggling against the feed.

The Wraith's breath quickened as the potent force flooded through its arm like a fire, entering its brain and delivering a ferocious sensation of ecstasy.

The urge to rip the human's life away in a single violent act was almost overpowering, but the Wraith resisted, eager to prolong the pleasure for as long as possible. It was a delicate balance, to keep the fragile human heart beating while slowly draining the life force. Too little enzyme and the human would die too soon; too much and it would taint the flavour.

The Wraith's attention was fixed on the feed, savouring the life that it was taking, only dimly aware of the screaming of the third human, still paralysed, lying helpless between the guards.

It could feel that it was nearing the last moments of the human's life, yet still the human fought to live; merely drawing out its own agony and the Wraith's exhilaration.

The end was abrupt and the Wraith threw back its head and shrieked as the connection to the human was severed. Its head still full of the exquisite taste, it was barely conscious of the desiccated bones that fell at its feet.

oOo

Sheppard woke to a nightmare. He lay on his back, his eyes the only part of him capable of movement. Frantically, he searched his tiny world; two Wraith guards stood at his side, but he couldn't see his team-mates from where he lay. He held his breath and listened through the roaring in his ears for any indication that he wasn't alone. As the thundering died away, he heard the gut-wrenching sound of a Wraith scream. Pushing his unresponsive body into action, Sheppard forced his head to turn towards the sound. At the edge of his vision, he could see a Wraith holding Ronon by the head. As he watched in horror, it savagely twisted the Runner's neck to an unnatural angle. Ronon fell bonelessly to the ground and Sheppard stared in shock at the lifeless body, which twitched once then lay still.

The sound of Rodney's anguish tore Sheppard's eyes from the dead man. He turned his head with painful slowness towards McKay. Unable to look away, he watched the brutal scene as it played out before him. Still, his body failed him and he lay helpless as the Wraith fed, a look of fierce exhilaration on its pallid face, stealing the life from his friend.

He watched, unable to move, as the flesh melted away from McKay's face. Blue eyes slowly clouded over and sank into the skull; lips shrank back from teeth in parody of a grin.

From far away Sheppard heard more screaming, only vaguely conscious that this time it was from his own throat. No words, just an animal noise. The sound of pain, anger, hatred and, above all, despair.

He fought his own unresponsive body, commanding paralysed limbs to act. He had to protect McKay, to save him from this torture. He needed a gun; a knife; a rock; anything to end McKay's agony. But there was nothing. He could offer no mercy. Not this time.

Suddenly, it was over.

Sheppard tasted the metallic tang of blood. He swallowed past the burning pain of his throat and the solid lump of ice where his heart used to be, knowing that, for the rest of his life, his worst dreams would include the sound of dry bones clattering to the ground.

Too late, Sheppard felt the sensation returning to his body. Slowly he tensed, shifting his weight, until, with a wordless cry, he launched himself at the Wraith.

It was as if he had run into a brick wall. The flat of the Wraith's hand smashed into his chest and threw him backwards through the air. The last thing Sheppard felt was his body slamming into the solid trunk of a tree with a force that broke his neck.

oOo

"Colonel? Colonel Sheppard. John?" Teyla's insistent voice dragged Sheppard back to consciousness and he opened bleary eyes.

He was lying on his back on a low bed. It was dark, the faintest of lights, filtering in through a small window to his left, was just enough for him to make out Teyla's gently smiling face as she leaned over him.

"Teyla!" Sheppard jerked upright, catching hold of Teyla's arms as a wave of nausea flooded through him.

"Slowly, John." Teyla carefully eased Sheppard back onto the bed. "You will feel better shortly."

As the dark room stopped spinning, Sheppard fought to make sense of his surroundings. "Teyla? But you were…?"

"Dead. Yes John." She smiled encouragingly as he gingerly levered himself to his feet.

"So was I." Ronon's deep voice came closer as the Runner stepped away from the window, allowing more light to penetrate the dark room. "Wraith broke my neck. Felt it snap."

"Same here." Sheppard rubbed his neck, aware now of a slight twinge as if he'd pulled a muscle.

"What about him?" Ronon gestured with a tilt of his head at an area behind where Sheppard was standing. "Die of fright?"

In an instant, the Colonel was at McKay's side. The physicist lay in the semi-darkness on another low bed. Sheppard laid a hand on McKay's chest, feeling the steady movement of breath.

"Rodney? Hey, buddy, wake up." He pressed harder with his hand and gave the sleeping man a gentle shake.

Suddenly, McKay opened terror-filled eyes. Lashing out frantically with his arms, he tried to back away from Sheppard, digging his heels deeply into the soft surface of the bed.

Sheppard snatched his hand away from the panicking man's chest, realising what had made Rodney react so violently to his touch.

"It's okay, Rodney. It's over." He tried to calm McKay down, ignoring the flailing arms, until, slowly, Rodney's frightened blue eyes began to focus on Sheppard's own.

"Major?" The stark terror had gone from McKay's face leaving behind fear and confusion.

"You okay, Rodney?" Sheppard watched as Rodney visibly relaxed, still breathing heavily but no longer cowering away from him.

"Colonel, sorry I…" McKay stopped as if finally hearing what Sheppard had just said. "No, Colonel, I'm not okay." Some of the snark was back, but Sheppard could see that it was still a very thin veneer over the panic.

"Sheppard." Ronan called suddenly, and the Colonel turned to see a small figure standing beside him. The man was short, no more than five feet tall, with a shock of white hair that reminded Sheppard of a dandelion just before it blew away.

The small man spoke in a quiet voice. "The Wraith have left through the doorway. You will be safe now." Behind him a section of the wall disappeared allowing dappled sunlight into the room.

"The doorway? Do you mean the Stargate, the Gate of the Ancestors?" The figure appeared harmless and carried no weapons that he could see, but something about it made Sheppard wary.

"Yes, they have left, as you must." The tone was still quiet and reassuring, sounding to Sheppard like a parent talking to a child.

Four large canvas sacks appeared, stacked against the far wall.

"You will take these and go." This time, although still gentle, it was definitely an order.

"Now, wait a ..." Sheppard frowned. He was sure that he had been about to say something important, but it had somehow slipped his memory. He turned to the others; Rodney was sitting on an untidy bed, blinking as if he had just woken up. He glanced over at Teyla who looked back at him with a puzzled expression.

Ronan was standing next to the small... trader who gestured towards the sacks with a smile.

"Yeah, thanks." Sheppard hefted the nearest sack onto his shoulder and felt a slight twinge, as if he'd pulled a muscle. He settled the sack into a more comfortable position, idly wondering how he had managed to hurt his neck. He smiled back at the trader and waited until Ronon, Teyla and McKay had each picked up a sack before leading his team back towards the Gate.

oOo

"Incoming Wormhole." Dr Elizabeth Weir looked up at sound of the Canadian gate tech's voice, silently praying that this time...

"Receiving IDC. It's Colonel Sheppard!" The gate tech's voice rose in excitement and he glanced over to make certain that Dr Weir had heard.

As she hurried past him on her way to the gateroom, Elizabeth's hand brushed over his shoulder. "Lower the shield", she ordered absently.

Armed marines stood at the periphery of the room, P-90s at the ready, as Elizabeth waited impatiently at the foot of the staircase.

Sheppard was the first to emerge, a large sack slung carelessly over his shoulder. Hard on his heels stepped Teyla and Ronon, each with sacks of their own. McKay brought up the rear, hugging his sack to his chest, a schoolboy grin on his face.

"Colonel?" Elizabeth took a step forward as Sheppard swung the sack from his back and dumped it unceremoniously onto the gateroom floor.

"Elizabeth." Sheppard gave the marines a puzzled glance. "Something wrong?"

"You tell me, Colonel." Elizabeth's relief was coloured with concern as she crossed the space between the staircase and Sheppard's returning team. "Where have you been?"

"M4A-635." The Colonel stated, still sounding slightly bemused. "We found the traders... and we have got coffee." Sheppard turned to grin smugly at McKay who smiled happily back, hugging his sack even closer to his body.

"Colonel." Elizabeth's sharp voice brought Sheppard back round to face her. "You have been out of contact for over a week." She watched Sheppard's expression change to one of surprise. "And you left in a Puddlejumper."

oOo

Tanayu and Palandrus watched as the four humans departed through the doorway.

Breaking the silence, Palandrus answered Tanayu's unasked question. "The Wraith have seen the humans die; they will have no reason to return here."

Tanayu smiled; it was good that the Wraith would not be back. They had disturbed the tranquillity of the forest. Their ways were violent. "And what of the humans?" he asked.

Palandrus gazed towards the doorway. "They too will not return. Their memories have been replaced with something more... enjoyable."

Tanayu frowned slightly; the changing of a memory was not undertaken without great need and was not always successful. "Could they not simply have been told to leave and not return?"

Turning back to the settlement, Palandrus shook his head, sadly. "The very young do not always do as they are told."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Rodney McKay made his way along deserted corridors to his lab; a troubled night leading to yet another early morning start. Dreams of the Wraith had been plaguing him since before the siege but, recently, bad dreams had become nightmares that left him in the morning drenched in sweat and filled with a sense of dread.

Last night's vivid nightmares were starting to fade but he couldn't shake a vague feeling of unease. His head still felt muzzy from lack of sleep and he knew what he needed more than anything right now.

His first port of call was the coffee machine in the corner of the lab. Now that the Daedalus could make the round trip to Earth in little over a month, supplies weren't the concern that they had been. Still, it felt good to know that he had been in the team that had brought the first Pegasus Galaxy coffee back to Atlantis even if he wouldn't drink it himself; it just didn't give him the same buzz as Earth coffee.

He cracked open a Tupperware container allowing the smell of Arabian Mocha to drift through the air. Measuring out a generous scoop he flicked the switch, checking that the orange light came on before walking over to his bench and leaving the machine to work its magic.

McKay hardly noticed when Zelenka arrived to start work four hours later. His bench was by now littered with partially disassembled Wraith devices left over from the siege. One in particular was holding his attention. From the outside it looked like a wide bracelet made of either copper or gold, depending on how the light hit it. His careful examination had revealed that it was a type of stunner, possibly intended to be used as a concealed weapon. The frustrating thing was that he was sure that he had seen something like it before but couldn't remember where. He felt certain that he hadn't seen the device in Atlantis so he thought back over all of the other times that he had been face-to-face with a Wraith.

Fragments of memories surfaced in his mind; indistinct impressions which left him feeling confused and vaguely anxious. Then, without warning, a powerful image of Ronon being held captive by a Wraith guard, somewhere in a dense forest, entered his head.

He looked up from his bench with a frown and reached for his coffee mug, draining the last cold mouthful. Putting the mug back down on the bench, he tried again to recall where he had seen the stunner.

_Sheppard fell paralysed to the ground as a Wraith fired the bracelet device at his back_.

Rodney shook his head, trying to dislodge the unsettling image, but, instead of fading, the vision grew stronger.

_Ronon, his neck cruelly twisted, collapsed at his side._

Unable to break free of the visions, Rodney felt reality slipping away.

A sudden, searing pain seized his chest and he couldn't breathe. It was like a white-hot brand pressing against his bare skin, burning his flesh down to the bone. He felt panic rise, and opened his eyes wide to see a Wraith staring back at him, its pale face a mixture of hunger and exhilaration.

He tried to scream, but the shock had robbed his lungs of air.

Through the agony he could feel the hands of another Wraith holding him securely by the shoulders and he writhed against the powerful grip, frantic to escape. His heart pounded against his ribs, stuttering as it was forced to work far beyond its natural limits.

He felt his skin tighten over wasted muscles and his sight dwindled to darkness. The strength leeched from his body leaving behind a tiredness so profound that it swamped even the terror.

He knew that he was dying but refused to surrender, fighting for a just few more moments of life. Finally, as his last seconds were torn away, he gazed with unseeing eyes into oblivion.

oOo

Carson Beckett's radio crackled in his ear.

'_Dr Beckett, this is Radek. Could you come to Rodney's lab, please? There is something wrong with him._'

Carson had got used to being called out to McKay. Usually it was some minor injury; a burn or a cut that rarely needed stitches. But Zelenka's voice had Beckett reaching for his medical bag. The engineer sounded worried and confused, but what had got Beckett jumping to his feet was that he also sounded frightened.

"What's the matter with him, Radek?" Beckett checked his bag and snapped it shut. Grabbing a stethoscope from his desk and stuffing it into his lab coat pocket he made for the door.

'_I don't know, doctor. Please hurry_.' Zelenka's fear was more obvious now and Beckett started to trot towards the nearest transporter. Both the infirmary and the Science labs were close to transporters, something he had found very useful on a number of occasions.

"Is he injured?"

A short pause. '_Not that I can see_.' That wasn't encouraging; Zelenka had had to check for himself.

"Is he conscious?" He stepped out of the transporter and jogged down the corridor leading to McKay's lab.

'_I don't know_.'

Beckett broke into a run, rounding the corner and skidding to a halt to avoid a knot of scientists standing outside McKay's lab, those at the back craning to see inside. They were mostly newcomers from the Daedalus, but Beckett saw one familiar face.

"Dr Brown, can you get these people out of here?" Beckett shouldered his way through the group who were talking in hushed tones. Again, he could hear worry tinged with fear.

The crowd had already started to disperse as he made it to the door and looked into the lab. Dr Zelenka was standing with his hand on McKay's shoulder, facing the physicist, as Rodney sat on a high lab stool, his body rhythmically rocking backwards and forwards.

"Rodney, can you hear me? Please, Rodney, say something." Radek's quiet voice coaxed. He looked up at Beckett, concern showing plainly on his face.

"He has been like this for nearly ten minutes." Zelenka turned back to the gently rocking man. "Rodney, please speak to me."

Beckett stepped around a cluttered bench to stand in front of McKay. The man's eyes were open, but focussed on something far beyond the wall of the lab. His usually animated face lacked any expression, making him look older than his years. Carson took McKay's hand as it hung limply at his side; the skin felt cold and clammy.

"What happened?" Beckett snapped open his bag and took out an Ancient medical scanner, running the device over McKay's back while Zelenka answered.

"He came in this morning as normal, worked for a while, then this."

"What was he working on?" He checked the readings and frowned, everything looked fine.

"Wraith devices. Nothing very dangerous, just things that the Wraith brought with them when they attacked Atlantis."

It was time to go back to basics. "Radek, can you hold him still for me, please?" Beckett waited until the Czech had taken a firm grasp of McKay's shoulders and stopped the steady rocking. Taking his stethoscope from his pocket and putting it to his ears, Beckett leaned over and unzipped the top of McKay's blue shirt. As the cold metal of the stethoscope touched his bare chest, McKay finally reacted. Suddenly and violently.

Beckett was unprepared for the fist that hit him just above his left eye with enough force to spin him to the ground and send the stethoscope flying.

He shook his head to clear the ringing in his ears and blinked away the blood that ran into his eye. Scrambling to his hands and knees, he looked up to see Rodney, the heavy metal lab stool in his hands, advancing towards Zelenka. As McKay swung the stool, Zelenka leaped backwards, avoiding the blow but tripping over a second stool and tumbling to the floor.

"Rodney!" Beckett shouted, trying to take attention away from Zelenka who lay helpless in front of McKay.

Rodney turned; his face was no longer expressionless but Carson was surprised to see not anger, but abject terror in McKay's eyes.

McKay took a step towards Beckett, who still knelt on the floor shielding his head from the expected blow. A loud clatter made the Medic look up. Rodney had dropped the stool and, as Beckett watched, his eyes rolled back and he collapsed silently to the ground.

oOo

"What's wrong with him, Carson?" Elizabeth Weir stood in the infirmary doorway, looking worried, Colonel Sheppard at her side. They had received Beckett's call that he had finished his tests on McKay and had come immediately to hear the results.

"I don't know, Elizabeth." Beckett admitted, shaking his head. "I've run every test and scan that I can think of, and they've all turned up negative. I can't find anything physically wrong with him." He looked back over his shoulder at McKay's unmoving form as if searching for a clue to help him understand the man's condition. "I even had Dr Zelenka round up everything that Rodney had been working on to see if he had been exposed to some sort of Wraith weapon, but…" He shook his head again in frustration.

"And you say that he's awake?" From the doorway, Elizabeth could see Rodney's open eyes gazing up at the ceiling. She found the blankness of the stare even more disturbing than his unnatural stillness.

Carson caught the expression on her face and answered softly. "Aye, he's awake. His eyes are tracking, but that's the only reaction we've had since I brought him in." He put his hand to the dressing above his eye and winced, then sighed wearily. "To tell the truth, Elizabeth, I can't help thinking that this might be more Dr Heightmeyer's territory than mine."

"You're saying that you think he's crazy?" John Sheppard narrowed his eyes and glared at the Doctor.

"No, Colonel. I'm saying that we have all been under a great deal of stress over the past few weeks; Rodney more than most." Beckett closed his eyes while he spoke and Elizabeth could hear the exasperation in his voice.

"So what's the next move?" She asked, before Sheppard could respond.

"I can only suggest that we wait for a reaction from him, and take it from there. And, before you ask, I wish I could tell you, but I have no idea when that will be." Beckett's voice started to rise in volume with his obvious frustration. "To be honest, I can see no reason why he isn't sitting up in bed right now, demanding a bloody coffee."

He caught the look in Elizabeth's eye and had the grace to look sheepish. "I'm sorry, it's just that…"

"It's just that we've all been under a great deal of stress." Elizabeth gave him an understanding smile. "You've done everything you can for now, Carson," She cut off Beckett's protest before it could begin. "You should take a break; you look like you could use one."

He lifted his hand again to his swollen eye. "Oh, I'm okay. I'll just stay a while longer in case he decides to come back to us."

Elizabeth could see the pain and tiredness that Beckett was trying to hide. "Well, I haven't eaten yet today, Carson. I'll have some food brought to your office; we can wait there and you can fill me in on what we can do to help."

Carson smiled, obviously aware that he had been outmanoeuvred. "Okay, Elizabeth. I'll just fetch someone to keep an eye on him." He glanced around the infirmary and took a step towards the nearest medic.

"You go, I'll sit with him." Sheppard's voice had a calculating tone and he gave the Doctor a grin. "I've got a couple of ideas that might persuade him back."

oOo

"Hi, Rodney. Carson says you're not talking. Now that doesn't sound like you." Sheppard curled his foot around the leg of a chair and dragged it over towards McKay's bed.

"He also said that there was nothing wrong with you, so I brought you something." Sheppard looked down on McKay's quiet form, "don't tell Carson."

Rodney's eyes followed the movement of Sheppard's hand as he reached into his vest pocket.

Sheppard took a, now slightly melted, chocolate bar from his pocket and began to unwrap it. "These came with the last batch of provisions on the Daedalus." Runny chocolate oozed onto his fingers and he reached for a tissue. "They haven't hit the streets yet, but I managed to get hold of a box."

Rodney could hear the words, but they held no meaning for him. It was the reassuring sound of the familiar voice that slowly began to coax him back to wakefulness.

Sheppard wiped his sticky fingers clean and Rodney watched in rapt fascination. The image caused a name to bubble up into his memory. "Teyla." His voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper.

Sheppard tapped his radio, "Carson, he's awake." He looked back down at McKay, a relieved smile on his face. "Welcome back, Rodney. Sorry, you're stuck with me for now, Teyla's not here."

Rodney struggled to remember; it felt like he was trying to recall something that had happened long ago. "Did we go back for her?"

Sheppard's smile faltered and he tilted his head with a puzzled frown. "Go back?"

"After the crash. You said we would go back to the Jumper for her," Rodney insisted. He knew that it was important, but he couldn't remember why.

"It's okay, Rodney. Just relax." Sheppard put a calming hand on McKay's shoulder as the scientist tried to sit up.

McKay hadn't heard him. He felt confused, there were gaps in his memory and he needed to fill them. He couldn't remember going back. Closing his eyes tight, he forced himself to concentrate. Pictures flashed in front of his eyes like disconnected scenes from a movie. He remembered being attacked by Wraith darts... the Puddlejumper smashing through a forest canopy... "We crashed on M4A-635."

"I wouldn't call it a crash," Sheppard sounded more offended than anything. "We had trouble with an engine and I had to put her down pretty hard but you know what they say 'anything you walk away from...'."

Of course – that's what had happened. Rodney remembered it perfectly now. There had been a problem with one of the engines and they had been forced to land. He couldn't repair the engine and they had had to leave the Puddlejumper and return to Atlantis on foot, intending to go back later and fix it. But once back in the city they hadn't been able to get a Gate lock on M4A-635.

It felt completely logical; it felt right, and he remembered it perfectly. So why could he also remember kneeling in a crashed Puddlejumper, next to Teyla's dead body?

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Elizabeth Weir sat in her office and looked up at Rodney McKay, standing before her desk. Four days had passed since the incident in the lab but Dr Beckett had only today released Rodney from the infirmary, after a barrage of tests had failed to discover any physical reason for McKay's behaviour. Dr Heightmeyer's report, however, had given some cause for concern and Elizabeth had not been looking forward to this meeting.

She replied to McKay's question in the only way that she could. "I'm sorry, Rodney, but the answer has to be no."

"Why?" McKay crossed his arms over his chest. His whole body language was defensive, but Elizabeth could see the thin sheen of sweat on his high forehead and she had a distinct feeling that the crossed arms were less for defence and more to still the constant agitated twitching of his hands.

From the far corner of the room, Sheppard's voice drawled. "You attacked Beckett and Zelenka with a chair, Rodney." McKay glowered across at Sheppard who was leaning against the wall his own arms crossed as if mimicking McKay. Elizabeth wondered if he'd noticed the tremors as well.

"Colonel." Elizabeth shot Sheppard a reproachful look, but kept her voice even. This was going to take careful handling and she still wasn't sure if having Sheppard there was a good idea. He had insisted on being present and she had found it difficult to refuse; Rodney was part of his team and he was worried - they all were.

"Rodney," She waited until McKay turned back to face her. "You had us all frightened there for a while."

"Look, I've apologised to Carson and Radek, and I don't think…"

"I didn't mean that." She checked her exasperation. Was he being deliberately obtuse? Knowing Rodney, the answer was yes, quite probably. "You were lying in the infirmary for the best part of a day, totally unresponsive. Don't you see why I can't let you go offworld with Colonel Sheppard's team?"

McKay lifted his chin, stubbornly. "Carson's given me a clean bill of health."

"He did that while you were flat on your back counting cracks in the ceiling, Rodney." Sheppard seemed to be deliberately needling the man; a tactic she knew had worked with Rodney before.

However she needed to stay in control of the meeting.

"Colonel!" This time she allowed a note of irritation to come through before calming her voice and continuing. "I'm sorry, Rodney, but until I can be sure that you won't be a risk to yourself and others, I want you to consider yourself off duty."

He started to argue, but she knew him well enough to see that it was only what he had expected; in fact, he appeared almost relieved. However, she needed to go further. Hating herself, she cut him off and continued.

"And that means here too, in Atlantis. Dr Zelenka can cover for you, just until we're certain that this won't happen again."

She'd anticipated a strong reaction to that - shock, indignation, possibly anger. She hadn't been prepared for him to simply lower his head in acceptance.

"Fine." He turned to the door, leaving the room without another word. Elizabeth watched as he crossed the control room and made his way towards the corridor.

"That was too easy." Sheppard gently pushed himself away from the wall and walked over to her side. "Heightmeyer was right; he's keeping something from us."

Elizabeth nodded without taking her eyes from McKay's back. As he disappeared from sight, she turned to face Sheppard. "I agree, John. The question is: what?"

oOo

McKay sat down heavily on his bed and lowered his head into trembling hands.

He couldn't go on like this for much longer. The disturbing visions were getting more and more vivid and harder to ignore.

When he'd woken in the infirmary he had felt confused and frightened. Fragments of conflicting memories had flashed through his mind, and, once he'd realised that he was remembering events that couldn't possibly have happened, he'd fallen back into a bewildered silence.

Beckett had put the episode in the lab down to severe stress over the last few weeks and Rodney had gratefully accepted the explanation, even as he struggled to ignore the delusions. But now that he knew he was losing the fight, he was becoming increasingly afraid for his own sanity.

At first, he'd believed that something had happened on M4A-635. All of his false memories were centred there; the crash, Teyla, the Wraith. He closed his eyes tight against the sudden pain, forcing himself to breathe deeply until the now familiar vision faded.

Everything connected with that planet felt wrong, almost blurred, as if reality itself was distorted. But, as the rest of his team didn't seem to be affected, he could only conclude that it was his mind not reality, which was at fault.

A loud knock on the door startled him back to the present.

"Yes? Who is it?" He sat up sharply and rubbed a sleeve across his eyes.

"Rodney. It's me. John." Sheppard called affably from the other side of the door.

Rodney shuddered. He didn't want to see the Colonel. Being around Sheppard, Ronon and Teyla only seemed to make the delusions worse.

"Rodney?" Sheppard called again.

McKay ran shaking fingers through his hair, grimacing as they came away sticky with sweat. "Two minutes, Colonel." He made his unsteady way into the small bathroom and ran the tap for a moment then cupped his hands under it, pouring the cold water over his head and neck. Scrubbing his face and hair dry with a towel he checked his reflection in the mirror before draping the damp towel around his neck.

Steadier now, he walked back into his bedroom and took a calming breath. "Sorry, Colonel." McKay continued drying his hair as he opened the door, using the excuse to avoid eye contact with Sheppard. "Look, I'm a bit busy right now. I was just about to write some notes for Radek."

Sheppard pushed past him into the room and turned. "What's the problem, Rodney?" The tone was gentle, but there was a hint of steel in the Colonel's voice.

Rodney felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He'd dared to believe that he'd fooled the others, but it appeared that he had been wrong about that as well.

"You hardly spoke a word to Ronon while you were in the infirmary, Rodney, and you spent more time talking to Kavanagh than to Teyla." Sheppard took a step towards him, and McKay involuntarily backed away. "And why am I now getting the feeling that you really don't want me here?"

Rodney knew that he had to make a decision. Either bluff it out in the hope that the problem would eventually disappear, or admit that he was losing his mind and accept the consequences.

"It's..." He looked up, finally allowing Sheppard to catch his eye. The Colonel's expression was one of concern and McKay knew that he never wanted to see that replaced by pity. "It's nothing; I'm fine. I'm just… I'm tired." He turned away, hoping that Sheppard would take the hint and leave.

"Rodney, if you think that you can just…"

"Please, Colonel!" He hadn't meant it to sound so sharp, but he had a sudden need to be alone. He continued slowly back towards his bed but before he'd got halfway a hand fell on his shoulder and firmly span him around.

"No, McKay, it's not that easy." Sheppard's tone matched Rodney's, his voice rising in volume as he turned McKay to face him. "I'm not going until you talk to me; tell me why you've been behaving like you've got something to hide."

McKay found himself flinching away; less from Sheppard's touch than from his words. He had no doubt that Sheppard wouldn't go without an explanation, and every minute he spent near the Colonel the visions grew stronger, threatening to break through his resistance.

Okay, if Sheppard wouldn't leave without an excuse for his behaviour, then he would have to give him something; less than the truth, perhaps, but enough to convince him not to press further.

"You really don't get it, do you, Colonel?" Rodney summoned up his most condescending voice, "I said I'm tired; tired of carrying the weight of Atlantis on my shoulders, tired of always being the one who has to find the answers," his voice dropped, "tired of watching people die." That last, at least, was the absolute truth.

"And you think that hiding yourself away in your room is going to solve all that?" Sheppard's sarcastic tone and half-lidded eyes told Rodney that he needed more convincing before he'd let it go.

"No. That's why I'm leaving Atlantis." Rodney hardly noticed Sheppard's reaction to his words. His own shock at what he had just said stunned him into a breathless silence.

But after a moment's thought Rodney realised that returning to Earth could, indeed, be the answer. Away from Sheppard and the other members of his team the powerful visions might fade. Maybe it was a desperate hope, but, right now, it was the only hope that he could see.

Recovering his senses, Rodney forced himself to meet Sheppard's eyes. "Okay, Colonel, you've had your explanation," he tasted an acrid tang at the back of his throat and swallowed hard. "Now, if the interrogation is over, I'm sure that you'll appreciate that I have a great deal to do before I leave for Earth." He stepped past the Colonel and opened the door. Sheppard held his gaze for a moment longer then walked silently out into the corridor.

The door closed and Rodney crossed the room, once again sitting down heavily on his bed, praying that he had made the right decision.

oOo

"So, did you speak to Rodney?" Elizabeth Weir tilted her head as she asked the question. Sheppard knew that she had been against him going to see McKay, but that obviously didn't stop her from wanting to know the outcome of their conversation.

"Yeah." Sheppard dropped into the only other chair in Elizabeth's office and ran his fingers through unkempt hair. "He told me that he was quitting Atlantis, going back to Earth."

"My god, John. Did he say why?" Elizabeth leaned forward over the desk, her eyes wide at Sheppard's unexpected reply.

"He gave me some crap about the pressure getting to him. Rodney really is a terrible liar." John quirked his mouth into a wry smile although there wasn't a trace of humour in his expression. McKay may have been lying about his reasons, but that didn't alter the fact that he was intending to leave.

"Do you think he really meant it?" Elizabeth sounded incredulous, as if the thought of Rodney McKay leaving Atlantis of his own free will was totally unbelievable to her.

John shared her scepticism but he nodded emphatically. "Oh yeah, he meant it." In Sheppard's opinion it was possibly the only thing in the entire conversation that Rodney had truly meant. He saw the emotions cross Elizabeth's face. Disbelief was quickly replaced by concern, which in turn gave way to determination.

"Okay, John, so what are his real reasons, and how do we stop him from going?"

"I don't know, Elizabeth." It was all that he'd been thinking about since he left Rodney's room, and he still felt no closer to an answer. Rodney McKay had a thousand neuroses and any one of them could be the cause of his recent strange behaviour. However, there was one thing that nagged at his memory. "In the infirmary just after all this started, he seemed very insistent that we should go back to the Jumper on M4A-635, but then he clammed up and hasn't mentioned it since." Sheppard frowned and shook his head in frustration, "Maybe that has something to do with it."

Elizabeth's sigh mirrored his own feelings. "You may be right, John. But even if going back to the Jumper is the answer, we still can't get a lock on M4A-635's Gate."

"The Daedalus…"

"…is on its way back from Earth and won't be here for nearly two weeks." She looked him in the eye. "You spoke with him, John. Do you think that he'll still be here in two weeks?"

Her expression was almost pleading but Sheppard gave a mirthless snort. "Not a chance, Elizabeth. If we don't figure out what the problem is, he'll be gone in a couple of days."

"Okay, John. In absence of any better ideas, I'll have Radek run another diagnostic on the Gate, and we'll keep on trying to get a fix on M4A-635."

oOo

Tanayu and Palandrus watched as the doorway flickered once again.

"The humans are very persistent." Tanayu observed. "I think that it will not be long before they realise that they are being blocked from reaching our doorway."

Palandrus nodded in agreement. "It is most likely that they will then attempt to reach us from another planet." He sighed, regretfully. "Blocking all incoming doorways will be very inconvenient."

"Perhaps it might be wiser to allow them to return," Tanayu suggested. "If they were to retrieve their ship, they might then be persuaded to leave us in peace."

Palandrus considered the suggestion. The humans would remember them only as simple traders. It was very likely that they were attempting to return merely to recover their ship. He nodded again and smiled. "Yes, that might be wiser. We must make the appropriate arrangements with the ship, and then allow them to open the doorway."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sheppard shot a quick glance around the small room that led off the mess hall to check that McKay was alone before pausing in the entrance. It had taken him twenty minutes to locate Rodney, and finding him on his own was a stroke of luck, although possibly not a totally unexpected one. Behind John the main mess hall was almost deserted, but he wasn't surprised that even those few people were more than Rodney wanted to be around.

He leaned against the doorway and watched McKay for a moment in silence. You didn't have to know Rodney well to see that he was preoccupied with something. An almost untouched plate of food had been pushed to the far side of his tray and he was now unenthusiastically prodding a spoon into a bowl of blue Jell-O.

John found himself unwilling to move. He knew that how he handled the next few minutes of conversation might very well determine whether Rodney stayed in Atlantis or left for Earth. So, no pressure at all then.

Okay, he'd stood here long enough; it was time to start talking.

"Hi, Rodney." Sheppard tensed in alarm as Rodney's head jerked up at the sound of his name; even from the doorway he could see the flash of panic in McKay's eyes. Trying not to show his concern, he gave the startled man a wide grin. "If you've finished eating, grab your gear and meet us in the Gateroom, we're heading offworld."

The fear in Rodney's eyes faded as he caught sight of John in the doorway, but when he spoke his voice sounded strained. "I don't know if you noticed, Colonel, but Dr Weir relieved me of duty." He turned his attention back to the Jell-O, jabbing in the spoon with enough force for Sheppard to fear for the safety of the plastic bowl. "You'll have to ask Dr Zelenka if he can spare someone else to go on your mission."

John narrowed his eyes; maybe Rodney was just annoyed that Radek was now making those decisions, maybe it was something more significant, but he had never seen McKay attack his food without actually eating it. He considered his next words carefully, hoping for a reaction; something to tell him that he was on the right track.

"Don't worry; it's not exactly a mission, Rodney." He tried to sound casual. "We're just going back to M4A-635 to pick up the Puddlejumper."

At his words, the colour drained from McKay's face like water from a sponge and Sheppard tensed again. It was definitely a reaction although not precisely the one he'd wanted. Easing himself away from the door, he cautiously walked over to McKay's table and pulled up a chair, positioning it so that he was within reach of the other man before sitting down. From these close quarters he watched with concern as Rodney's eyes flicked around the room as if following some action that only he could see.

"Rodney?" Sheppard leaned forward into McKay's line of sight, his eyes locked on the other man's pale face. Suddenly, this conversation didn't seem like such a good idea. After the incident in the lab, John believed that he was prepared for any kind of behaviour from McKay, but this was beginning to alarm him. He lifted a hand to his headset, ready to call for Beckett if he was needed.

Rodney started at the movement, suddenly noticing the second figure sitting at the table. He turned and focussed on Sheppard. "We're going back to the Jumper?" McKay sounded far away, his voice close to a whisper, but Sheppard could hear the hint of hope.

John let his hand fall away from the radio. He could almost see McKay coming back from wherever he had been, the distant look in his eyes replaced by a quizzical frown.

"As soon as you're finished here." Sheppard gestured towards the tray of uneaten food while consciously ignoring the slight trembling of the hand that still gripped the Jell-O spoon.

McKay's frown deepened. "I thought we couldn't get a lock on the Gate." At least now his voice was back to normal and Sheppard relaxed slightly, feeling the tension slowly ease from his shoulders.

"Yeah. We managed to get a lock about thirty minutes ago. The MALP showed an electrical storm moving away from the Gate area." He paused. In front of him McKay seemed to come to a decision, and his expression became eager. John suddenly realised that it was a look that had been missing from the scientist's face for too long. Feeling more confident now that, somehow, the answer to Rodney's behaviour lay on M4A-635, he continued, "There's no sign of damage to either the Gate or the DHD, so, when you're ready, we're good to go."

oOo

Standing in the Gateroom with Sheppard, Ronon and Teyla, waiting to gate to M4A-635, Rodney McKay was as anxious as the first time he had ever travelled through the Stargate. Possibly even more so.

He had told Sheppard that he was tired of the stress, of always having to be the one who had the answers, but he would have given almost anything for some of that stress right now. The kind of pressure that came with knowing that whether the next mission was a success or a failure was all down to him.

Truth be told, he had no control whatsoever over what was going to happen on the other side of the Gate, and it terrified him.

When Sheppard had told him that they were going back to the Jumper, he'd almost broken down completely. The image of Teyla, lying in a pool of her own blood, had hit him so hard that he'd felt his resistance starting to crack, and if Sheppard hadn't moved his hand at that precise moment, the walls he had so carefully built would have crumbled into dust.

But then he had seen a faint glimmer of hope. If he could go back to the site of his first erroneous memory and see that the Puddlejumper hadn't crashed, fix the engine himself, prove that all of the visions were false then it might just give him the strength that he needed to defeat them.

Once again, he found himself nervously checking the five replacement crystals that he would need to repair the Puddlejumper engine. The engine that he clearly remembered simply cutting out as they made their approach to the traders' village.

He closed his eyes and swallowed down hard on the sight of Sheppard fighting the Jumper's controls after the Wraith darts' attack.

Opening his eyes again quickly, he checked that no one had noticed his momentary lapse, but around him the usual final preparations for Gate-travel continued. Until, at last, the preparations were complete and the first chevron encoded.

It was too late to back out now.

He might be going insane, but that still didn't make him an idiot. It was obvious by now that Sheppard hadn't bought any of his 'feeling the pressure' speech, and it was just as obvious that the Colonel wanted them to go back to M4A-635 for reasons other than just picking up the Jumper. And, whatever those reasons were, clearly Elizabeth had to be in agreement.

The final chevron locked and the shimmering event horizon filled the Stargate. Okay, so they all hoped that through that Gate were the answers, and now it was time to find out if that was true.

oOo

Tanayu and Palandrus stood in the deep shadows and watched as the four humans emerged through the doorway.

"Should we greet them?" Tanayu asked.

Palandrus shook his head. "I think it would be wiser to observe them without their knowledge. Just until we are sure that they have simply returned to recover their ship."

Tanayu nodded in agreement. "Their ship has been prepared to match their memories. It should take them only a short time to repair it."

Palandrus lifted his hand to silence Tanayu. "One of them has retained his original memory." He concentrated for a moment and then sighed. "The conflicting memories are causing distress. We may have to intervene."

oOo

The short walk from the Gate to the Puddlejumper had felt like an eternity to Rodney.

The team had stepped out high on a wooded hillside looking down onto the forest canopy below; the path that the Puddlejumper had taken was clearly defined by the shattered trunks of trees, but the Jumper itself remained hidden in the forest.

As they made their way through the dense woodland, Rodney's anxiety grew. His darting eyes were drawn time and again to some splintered tree or small clearing that seemed frighteningly familiar just for an instant. He clamped down hard on the overlapping images that surged around him, hoping that his teammates would assume that his gasping breath and thin sheen of sweat was due to nothing more than the humid conditions.

The Puddlejumper stood in a small, clear space that it had created as it had smashed through the surrounding trees, and Rodney approached it warily. It took an effort of will to step through the rear hatch into the Jumper, and his heart was beating wildly as he stood in the aft section. The Jumper was exactly as he remembered it, but, at the same time, utterly different; there was no structural damage, no indication of a crash and no sign of the blood that filled his mind. With a trembling hand, he took out an Ancient scanner and set about proving to himself that only one set of memories could be believed.

Sheppard moved past him, making his way towards the cockpit, where he ran his hands over the Jumper's lifeless controls. Rodney was fully aware that Sheppard was watching him, and forced his mind to focus on the hope that had brought him back here. Concentrating on nothing but the readings from his hand-held device, Rodney systematically scanned the interior of the Jumper for evidence of the truth.

Suddenly, there was the proof. If he hadn't been specifically looking for it, he would never have seen the residual trace of a Wraith energy signature. The Jumper had been hit by at least one Wraith weapon immediately before it crashed and the engine malfunction expertly faked after the Jumper had come down. It was the proof that he'd been looking for, but it wasn't what he'd expected.

The trembling in his hand grew stronger as he tried to make sense of this new knowledge. If the crash had been real, wouldn't that mean that all of his other visions were real? In his own mind he'd knelt in this very spot next to Teyla's dead body over and over again, yet now she was standing less than ten feet away from him, manifestly alive.

It was impossible. It was reality itself that was wrong.

With that realisation, his resistance finally shattered. The conflict in his mind was too much and he sank to his knees as the force of the visions overpowered him.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Ronon. Get back to the Gate! We need Beckett here, now!" Sheppard launched himself from the pilot's seat and was through the cockpit doors and at McKay's side before the scientist had completed his slow collapse.

As he knelt beside Rodney's shuddering form Sheppard silently berated himself. Damn it, how had he let it get this far? He'd seen the signs; McKay had been jumping at shadows from the moment they had come through the Gate. He should have called an end to this at the first hint of a problem.

He caught hold of Rodney's head, preventing it from smacking into the deck as a spasm wracked through McKay's body.

"Hang on, Rodney." Sheppard glanced around the rear of the Jumper, searching for something to cushion the scientist's head. Teyla's bunched jacket appeared at his shoulder and he grabbed it without looking round, wadding it into a makeshift pillow.

"Rodney, stay with me." He watched helplessly as increasingly powerful convulsions shook McKay. They had come back to the planet to try and find a way to stop Rodney from leaving Atlantis, but now it looked as though they might lose him completely.

Where the hell was Beckett? It felt like hours had past since he'd sent Ronon back to the Gate, rather than a scant handful of seconds.

"Sheppard." At the sound of Ronon's deep voice John raised a hand to his headset, before realising that the voice had come from inside the Jumper.

Tearing his eyes away from McKay's twitching face, Sheppard looked around. Ronon was standing behind him, his gun trained unwaveringly on a short figure with wild hair. John recognised the trader as one that they had met before and glared at the Runner, barely containing his anger. What the hell was Ronon doing, wasting time on a harmless merchant, when McKay needed medical help now?

Ronon's gun remained steady on the trader as the big man calmly met Sheppard's eyes.

"Colonel Sheppard, he appeared from nowhere." Teyla's soft voice sounded loud inside the Jumper and Sheppard turned to face the small, unassuming man who stood before him.

"Please, allow me to help." The trader spoke in a quiet, reassuring voice as he stepped forward towards McKay.

"Whoa, hold on a minute." Sheppard held out an arm, blocking his path. The trader might look harmless but no one was getting near McKay until he was sure of their intentions.

Without warning, a shimmer fractured the air in front of Sheppard's outstretched arm and the trader vanished from sight, re-appearing almost instantly at McKay's side. Startled, Sheppard span on his knees, raising his P-90, but the small man had already reached out to touch McKay.

Ignoring Sheppard's cry of surprise, the trader gently placed a hand on McKay's contorted brow, and immediately the violent trembling began to ease. John watched, his P-90 still at the ready, as the tension drained from Rodney's features, leaving him unconscious but with a look of utter tranquillity on his face.

oOo

John satisfied himself that Rodney's condition was stable before turning his attention to the figure that was now standing at his side. Although he was dressed in homespun cloth, apparently patched with moss and bark, a subtle aura of power surrounded the small man, and Sheppard wondered how they had ever mistaken him for a simple merchant.

The alien returned Sheppard's look with a benign smile. "Your friend will need rest now for a time; his mind is exhausted. The strain was too much for him to bear." He looked down at McKay with an expression of sadness. "I am sorry, the fault was mine."

John wasn't sure whether the man was speaking to him or to Rodney, but the remorse in his voice sounded genuine. However, the Colonel wasn't ready to completely trust his words. Glancing up at his team, Sheppard saw that Ronon's gun was still aimed firmly in the trader's direction; he nodded at the Runner to keep it there.

Turning back to Rodney's still form, Sheppard again checked the scientist's pulse. It was weak, but steady. John looked back up at the small figure standing beside him. Somehow this person was involved with the mystery of Rodney's recent behaviour. Despite Sheppard's misgivings he had shown himself to be more than he appeared. Hoping that he would have at least some answers, Sheppard asked the one question that needed answering, "Will he be okay?" All other questions could wait.

The man calmly held Sheppard's gaze. "He has a strong mind;" He smiled reassuringly, "I am sure that it will be enough."

Catching Teyla's soft sigh of relief, John flashed her a quick grin; he shared the sentiment. Taking a deep breath he let it out slowly.

Okay, now it was time for the rest of the questions. Sheppard rose to his feet, giving him at least fourteen inches of height on the child-sized trader. He left the threat unspoken as he asked calmly, "Who are you and what did you do to him?"

The man was unfazed and smiled up at Sheppard. "My name is Palandrus; my people are the Nox."

oOo

Sheppard frowned. Although he hadn't read the reports himself, he'd heard McKay and Elizabeth talking about the Nox as one of the four greatest races ever to have existed in the Milky Way Galaxy. The tiny figure standing in front of him seemed at odds with that description, but John had seen far too many strange things since stepping through the Stargate to deny that it could be true. However, he had never heard Rodney or Elizabeth mention that the Nox were present in Pegasus.

"Like the race you call 'Ancients', we have travelled widely." John narrowed his eyes at Palandrus' words. The man seemed to have read his thoughts, and that made Sheppard nervous.

"You have no reason to fear; we wish you no harm." Again, the words sounded sincere. But John wasn't ready to trust him yet.

Sheppard looked back to McKay. Ronon had lifted the scientist off the hard, metal deck and onto one of the Jumper's padded benches. Meanwhile, Teyla had taken a blanket from the storage locker, managing to make McKay as comfortable as possible. From where Sheppard stood, it looked as though Rodney was sleeping peacefully, but Teyla caught his eye with a worried frown.

John felt his face harden. He didn't care how great or powerful the Nox were, one of them had done this to McKay, and that made them the enemy until he could be convinced otherwise. There was a coldness in his voice when he spoke. "I won't ask again, what did you do to him?"

"I meant no harm to any of your people."

From behind him, John could hear the sound of Ronon's gun powering up, and the Runner's deep voice demanded, "Answer the man."

Palandrus appeared unintimidated by Ronon's towering presence, his compassionate smile undiminished. "Your friend had unpleasant memories of his last time in our forest; they were replaced. This caused some confusion in his mind."

John frowned. Rodney hadn't been out of his sight once for the entire time of the team's first visit to M4A-635. Even while Teyla had been negotiating, John had kept an eye on him; Rodney had a talent for getting into trouble, but the mission had been as close to routine as they came.

As far as he remembered.

John's P-90 joined Ronon's gun covering the Nox.

"Rodney's weren't the only memories you replaced, were they?" Sheppard didn't wait for the reply. "Why?"

"I thought it necessary." Palandrus turned to McKay's still form and shook his head sadly, "But it may have been a mistake."

"Damn right it was a mistake!" Sheppard felt the heat of anger rise within him. "Now, tell me exactly what you're trying to hide that's so important!"

Palandrus sighed. "What happened to you here was such that you could not have accepted it. We merely wish to be left alone, but, once you knew of us, you would have returned seeking our help. We do not wish to become involved in your battle with the Wraith."

John's P-90 didn't waver. "Show me", he demanded, his anger mounting, "Show me what really happened here."

oOo

Teyla had kept silent throughout Sheppard's exchange with the little man, who was now obviously something more than the simple trader that she remembered from her previous negotiations on this planet.

Now she could sense the power that flowed through him. It had gently swelled when he had touched Rodney. She had almost seen the tension being drawn away from the scientist's body and into the man who called himself Palandrus.

As she watched, the power intensified again and a look of shock slammed into Sheppard's face.

"Colonel Sheppard? John? What is the matter?" The Colonel ignored her question, staring at her, dumbstruck. A moment later his eyes seemed drawn to a point at her feet on the Puddlejumper's metal deck. She followed his gaze but could see nothing amiss.

Lifting her P-90, she trained the heavy weapon on the Nox, who now stood with his hands clasped before him, the power ebbing away.

"What have you done to the Colonel?" She demanded of the small man.

Palandrus looked up into her eyes. "Your friend wanted to know what really happened here. I have let him see. He is in no danger, I promise you."

Teyla regarded him through narrowed eyes. She felt no malevolence in the Nox, but whatever he had just done was affecting the Colonel deeply.

She watched guardedly as Sheppard turned his face towards Ronon and suddenly winced, flinching away from the Runner as if from a painful blow or the sight of some grisly scene that only he could see.

Finally, Sheppard looked down at McKay, his eyes widening in horror as he stared aghast at the unconscious man.

"Rodney." John's voice was a whisper, heavy with emotion. Teyla felt her chest tighten at the depths of anguish and despair in that single word.

Sheppard reached out towards McKay, but stopped just before his hand touched the scientist's face, his outstretched fingers slowly curling into a fist.

Without warning, Sheppard span round, P-90 raised, the despair on his face instantly masked by a towering rage. His eyes darted around the Jumper as if looking for someone or something to attack.

"John." Teyla tried again to reach the Colonel with her words; her voice soft as she attempted to break through the almost tangible anger and grief that surrounded him.

"Oh my god, Teyla." Sheppard's eyes focussed on her own and she found herself recoiling from what she saw deep within them. The pain and loss was heartbreaking to see. The Colonel's words merely confirmed what she somehow already knew, "He died, here; we all did."

Palandrus' gentle voice broke the silence that followed. "Yes, you died. But we revived you. Death is not always the one-way journey that your people believe."

Sheppard showed no sign of hearing the Nox' words and looked back down at McKay.

"He remembered _that_?" He shook his head in horror. "The poor bastard."

"I am afraid that your friend's experience was worse." Palandrus explained, his tone regretful. "His original memories resurfaced after he had left our planet. With both sets of memories, his mind was unable to determine which was reality." The Nox frowned, for the first time appearing less than certain of himself. "I am unsure why this happened. After a few hours of deep sleep the implanted memories should have been too strongly embedded to allow the old memories to return."

John closed his eyes. When he opened them the pain and grief had faded, replaced by a grim understanding. "Sleep has always been something of a rare commodity for Rodney." He gave a wry snort that contained no humour, then a thought appeared to cross his mind. "If you needed us to sleep, why did you send us back with coffee?"

Despite herself, Teyla smiled at the incongruity of the question. The Colonel was speaking to a man who claimed to have brought them back from the dead, and he was asking questions about coffee. She would never understand why these people needed to know the answers to even the smallest mysteries.

Palandrus appeared to share her amusement, his smile matching her own. "It was not exactly what you call coffee. It was a shame that your friend chose not to drink it; it would have helped him to sleep." The Nox reached out towards McKay as he lay on the Puddlejumper's bench. "But I will take that into account this time."

"Now wait a damned minute!" John's lashed out at the Nox with his words, the heat of anger returning full force. "You can't just change our memories to suit yourselves."

Palandrus seemed genuinely perplexed at John's outburst, withdrawing his hand and looking up into the Colonel's eyes with a puzzled frown. "You have seen what happened here, surely the memory I gave you was preferable."

"It was a lie." Each word was precisely spoken, the anger visibly kept in check.

"But was it not more enjoyable than the truth?"

Sheppard again spoke slowly, as if explaining to a child, "The truth may be hard to live with sometimes, but it's better than the easy lie."

Palandrus considered Sheppard's words then smiled broadly.

Teyla felt as though a curtain had been drawn back from her mind. Her memory of meeting and trading with Palandrus melted into the background until it seemed like a story that she had been told long ago. Her true memory returned almost gently; the attack by six Wraith darts, then darkness until she woke in a small cave hours later. She knew that she had died and been revived, but felt none of the pain or anger that the Colonel had shown. Obviously, something more had happened that she had not witnessed. She was about to ask the Colonel what it was that he had seen when a soft groan made them both turn.

oOo

Rodney clawed himself up out of the deep, dark pit back to consciousness. He had no idea where he was, other than he was lying on something soft, being covered by something warm. For the moment, just knowing that was enough and he lay unmoving until the fuzzy feeling of disorientation slowly cleared.

He cautiously cracked open an eye. The soft thing was the bench of a Puddlejumper and the warm thing was a blanket. At least that ruled out some of the more unpleasant scenarios. He tried to lift his head but a thudding pain filled his skull. It felt like the worst hangover that he had ever suffered, and he froze, swallowing hard to still the wave of nausea that rolled over him.

Then the memories hit. Not random visions or images now, but a single, coherent memory from the darts' attack to his own horrific death at the hands of the Wraith.

He groaned softly, realising that he had finally lost it; he was totally delusional.

At the sound of his groan a dark shape appeared at his side.

"Rodney?" The Colonel sounded anxious, "Rodney, it's okay; it's over now." McKay gave a dry chuckle. Sheppard couldn't know how true those words were. It _was_ all over now. He was finished, a brilliant mind lost. He rolled over, turning his face towards the bulkhead, not wanting to meet Sheppard's eyes.

"Rodney, listen to me." McKay felt a hand on his shoulder and shrugged it irritably away. He curled into a tight ball, pulling the blanket over himself, immersed in his own misery. "Listen; what you were remembering was real." The Colonel's insistent voice was impossible to ignore, although he tried hard. "I was there, I watched the Wraith… Oh god, Rodney, I'm sorry. There was nothing I could do."

The pain in Sheppard's voice reached through Rodney's own wretchedness, pulling him back from the jagged edge of despair. "It was real?" McKay's voice was flat and emotionless, little more than a murmur.

Sheppard missed the whispered question and kept talking. His words were loud in the otherwise silent Jumper but only a few registered on Rodney's consciousness. 'Wraith'… 'Nox'…and, slightly perplexingly, 'coffee'. Slowly, McKay started to make sense of the words and began to uncurl from his tight knot. He wanted to believe what Sheppard was telling him, but one huge question had to be answered first.

"You mean, I'm not insane?"

The Colonel stopped dead.

"No, Rodney, you're not insane." Sheppard sounded puzzled, as if the thought had never crossed his mind.

Rodney hadn't realised quite how heavy the weight he'd been carrying had become, until it was gone.

He wasn't insane.

"Rodney?"

He wasn't insane.

_"Rodney!"_

A hand roughly grabbed his shoulder, hard enough to hurt, and forced him to turn round. There was astonishment in Sheppard's eyes, disbelief in his voice. "Are you saying _that_ is what all this was about?"

Caught by surprise, McKay could only nod.

"You thought you were going mad?" Sheppard didn't give him time to reply, "Didn't it ever occur to you to _tell_ someone?"

Rodney blinked, taken aback at the question.

After a few moments of stunned silence McKay realised that this time Sheppard was expecting an answer. "I didn't want anyone to pity me." His voice sounded sullen, even to himself.

The relief that had washed through him when he realised that he wasn't crazy was starting to give way to the awareness that he'd actually died, yet he felt strangely detached from that knowledge. He'd experienced the nightmare of his own death again and again, the very familiarity of the vision leaving him now almost numb to the fact that it was true.

The Colonel threw up his hands in exasperation, breaking through Rodney's bleak thoughts. "You wouldn't have got our pity, you _idiot_; you'd have got our help."

Rodney flinched away from the intensity of Sheppard's outburst, feeling the flush of irritation colouring his face. He'd been through hell over the last couple of days, and Sheppard's attitude was not helping, neither was his pounding headache. Forcing himself to his feet, he glared indignantly back at Sheppard.

"All _right_, Colonel, next time I think I'm going insane, I promise you'll be the first to know!"

Sheppard's eyes flashed in surprise as McKay bristled in front of him. For several seconds the two men stood face-to-face, the tension between them rising, until, unexpectedly, Sheppard's mouth quirked into an understanding grin and he shook his head.

"It's good to have you back, McKay." The warmth in the words had nothing to do with anger and Rodney found himself giving the Colonel a slightly confused smile.

"Yes, Rodney. It is good to have you back." Teyla's gentle voice caused Rodney to turn in surprise, noticing, for the first time, the three other occupants of the Puddlejumper. Ronon and Teyla, their weapons ready but lowered, and a smaller figure who was mirroring Teyla's broad smile. Even Ronon appeared pleased, as far as Rodney could tell.

Sheppard's hand fell onto McKay's shoulder once again. This time, the scientist didn't try to shrug it free.

"Now, Rodney, if you'll just fix the Jumper, we can all go home."

oOo

Palandrus and Tanayu watched as the ship carrying the four humans left through the doorway for the last time. They had given their word that they would not return and Palandrus was inclined to believe them. Soon the forest would return to tranquillity and the Nox could continue in peace.

Palandrus thought back over what the human had said. 'The truth may be hard to live with sometimes, but it's better than the easy lie'. He smiled; now, if they could only see beyond their conflict with the Wraith, there may be hope for them.

It was possible that the young were finally growing up.


	6. Epilogue

Epilogue

"Oh my god, Colonel. That's him!"

"That's who? And keep your voice down, McKay."

John risked another quick glance over the slab of rock behind which he and McKay were hiding. The black-clothed figure was still there, making its stealthy way along the tree line, less than twenty yards away.

"That's him; that's the Wraith."

The steady rain caused a small movement in the undergrowth and the Wraith's head snapped round alertly. John ducked back down behind the rock.

He frowned, "Which Wraith?"

"What do you mean 'which Wraith'?" McKay's hissed whisper sounded incredulous.

"Oh... Are you sure? They all look the same to me."

"Of course I'm sure, Colonel. I'm not likely to forget that face, am I?"

Sheppard checked the life-signs detector. The Wraith appeared to be alone, but that was the limit of their luck. It was only a matter of time before it noticed them as it prowled around the edge of the clearing. Already it was between them and the cloaked Jumper, blocking the only way back.

oOo

It had been three weeks since John and his team had returned in the Puddlejumper from M4A-635. Elizabeth had met them in the Jumper bay, with Beckett and a medical team waiting in the shadows. Seconds after the rear hatch had opened, John and his team were grounded. Elizabeth hadn't even waited for his report; one look at their haggard faces had been enough.

Beckett soon cleared them all as physically fit; it was Heightmeyer who had kept them off active duty.

Ronon and Teyla's sessions with the psychologist hadn't lasted long. Neither of them remembered much, and the revival by the Nox seemed to have left no long-term effects.

John's own sessions hadn't gone so well. He remembered one vividly.

"_So, you felt powerless." Heightmeyer's tone was professionally detached, inviting rather than requiring a response._

_He responded anyway. "Damn right I felt powerless! I lay on the ground, useless, and watched a member of my team being sucked dry by a Wraith!"_

"_Is that really what you saw?"_

_Sheppard hadn't understood the question._

_She rephrased it for him. "You said 'a member of your team' rather than 'McKay' or 'Rodney', why was that?" _

_He didn't have an answer; at least, not one that he would admit to out loud. Even to himself, he found it difficult to acknowledge the truth; he could just about live with losing a team member, but he wasn't sure that he could survive losing a friend._

_Heightmeyer hadn't pressed him further, so he'd sat in silence for the remainder of the session, head lowered. _

John didn't know what the psychologist had put in her report to Elizabeth after that session, but eventually his team had somehow found themselves back on the active service list.

Now, three weeks after their return to Atlantis, he and Rodney were trapped behind a boulder by a Wraith. Not just 'a' Wraith, but 'the' Wraith.

oOo

"So, what are we going to do?" There was more than a hint of panic in McKay's voice.

The Wraith was closer now, less than ten yards away. It was keeping to the shadows as it made its careful way around the edge of the clearing, each step bringing it nearer to their hiding place.

John drew his 9mm, checked the clip, chambered a round, reversed the pistol and offered it, butt first, to McKay. "I'm not going to do anything, Rodney, but you're going to take out the Wraith."

Rodney looked down at the gun as if he had just been handed a live snake. Frightened blue eyes darted back up to Sheppard's impassive face. "What? Are you insane? I can't take out a Wraith on my own!"

"Yes you can. You just keep pulling the trigger until he stops moving. And when the clip is empty, remember to reload." John kept his voice neutral in contrast to McKay's high-pitched whisper.

Rodney looked back at the loaded gun. Sheppard could hear his ragged breathing slowly coming under control as the scientist made his decision. McKay's hand was steady as he took John's pistol; he waited until the Wraith was looking away from them, and then stepped out from behind the rock.

Behind him, Sheppard quietly swung his P-90 round and manoeuvred himself into a position that gave him a line of sight on the Wraith. He had a good reason for playing it this way, but he wasn't going to take any more risks than were absolutely necessary.

McKay's first shot took the Wraith high on its shoulder and it turned, eyes wide in surprise. The next four slammed into its chest, stopping it dead in its tracks. The Wraith raised an arm, weak sunlight glinting off a metallic bracelet, as the scientist's next shots also found their marks. The Wraith dropped to its knees and Rodney stepped forward, closing the space between them. McKay emptied the clip into the kneeling Wraith then calmly reloaded. By the time the second clip was empty, the Wraith was face down and still.

McKay continued to look down on the fallen Wraith as John walked up to stand beside him.

"That was a test, wasn't it, Colonel?" Rodney's voice was soft and pensive. "You needed to know if I could take out the Wraith on my own." McKay turned to face Sheppard, his eyes sombre.

John snorted, "There was never a doubt in my mind that you could take out the Wraith on your own, Rodney." He watched the physicist's face split into a pleased grin before continuing to himself, "I just needed to know that I could let you."

Sheppard started back to the Jumper, McKay falling into step at his side.

"You know, Rodney," Sheppard's voice drifted back as they walked away, "You could have used your own side arm, too, or even a P-90."

McKay seemed to consider the idea. "I never thought of that, Colonel. I suppose it would have been easier." He decloaked the Jumper and stepped inside, "I'll try to remember it next time."


End file.
